Only You - [Lip Gallagher]

toe - jam

"Do you want me to go get Debs?" I ask Fiona as she rushes around the kitchen, "No I got it, thanks Sade." She says quickly, "What happened to Debs?" Ian asks, "Some machinery crushed her foot and she's ready to be discharged from the ER." I explain. "She okay?" Liam asks, eating his cereal, "She said she's alright but I doubt it, I'd be sobbing if a machine crushed my foot." I say before taking a sip of my water, "Carl Francis Gallagher, get down here!" I call up to him. He did the stupidest thing last night and got married to Kassidi, oh I want to murder him. "You called us?" Kassidi giggles as they descend the stairs, "No, I called Carl. Carl, stop keeping Liam up at night or make sure he has his headphones in at least." I scold, "You and Lip-" "Not while you were awake and if you were that was you being a creep." I tease and he holds his hands up in surrender. "Carl is gonna show me all around South Side today, all the places he used to hang out, where he sold drugs," Kassidi rambles, "Why?" I grow worried, I don't want him on that block. "Sade, we'll be fine." Carl tries to reassure me, "I don't want you on that block and I don't want you getting in trouble or hurt." "What about me?" Kassidi sounds offended, "Carl would sadly put his life on the line for you, god knows fucking why." I insult, "Sadie." Carl sounds serious, he never calls me 'Sadie'. "Just be safe." I sigh before I leave to go see Lip at work.

Ian is off his rocker with the whole being the living Gay Jesus thing and I support him I truly do but, this seems like Monica behavior and I'm sick to my stomach worried he's gonna get himself in deep deep shit.

++

"Hey, Xan. You seen Lip?" I ask as I walk into the garage and she hands me her phone, revealing a video of Lip in a fight, "Jesus Christ. Xan, where was this?" "Some random house, I dunno. I followed him." She speaks in a monotone. "Next time, call me okay?" I hand her a ripped piece of paper with my number on it. "Call you for what?" Lip asks, walking up the ramp, holding his lip. "That you're out doing stupid shit." I raise my tone and cross my arms in front of my chest, "Who were you fighting anyway?" "Your dad." Lip speaks and my body almost concaves on itself, "Lip, what do you mean?" I chuckled nervously. "I saw your dad sitting on that porch and I just kinda lost it." He explains, "Lip, there was no way that was my dad." "How couldn't it be? Looked like him, punched like him." "Lip, he's dead." I blurt out for the first time, "What?" He sounds shocked. "Sade, I had Xan record because he swung first so I could report him and get him away from you for good." Lip explains, "Lip, he wrote me a note he told me he was going to kill himself and he left me all his money. I sold my fucking house." Stress-filled tears begin to brim my waterline. "Sade, that was James Anthony Mitchell, he was going by Jay and lived at that half way house for some time now they said." Lip explains and my jaw drops. "No fucking way." I mumble as I push past him and hurry to the police station.

I'm feeling hundreds of emotions all at once, angry, betrayal, defeat, relief. My dad didn't die but why did he make it seem like he did. Why did he do this?

"I need to speak with James Mitchell, please." I speak through the window, "And you are?" The receptionist asks, "Sadie Mitchell, his daughter." My voice shakes. "And Phillip Gallagher." Lip speaks behind me, "Her boyfriend." He adds and she nods, "Lip, no. I need to talk to him alone." "Sir, weren't you the one to press charges?" The lady questions as she reads the screen, "Yes but I want to be there to support my girlfriend if that's okay?" He gaslights, "Sure but you need to remain outside of the room for safety of both you and him." She says before buzzing the door open. I feel my feet moving faster than my body, why, how could he do this to me?

"I'll be right here, okay?" Lip whispers before kissing my temple. "Lip, go home." I breathe as the door that has my father behind it clicks unlocked. "Sadie?" My dad's voice cracks, "Why?" is the only word I can make out as my eyes begin to burn with tears as I see a face I never thought I would again. "He started it, the bastard." He spits, "No, fuck what Lip did. Why did you do that shit to me? Everything you ever fucking did, why? And why was your solution to pretend to fucking kill yourself?" I shout with much sorrow and pain in my voice. "Sadie, you left me." "Because you didn't want me. A whole other family did though. They're more my family than you ever will be." "That's why I did what I did. Left you all my money and removed myself from your life forever, you're welcome." He plays pity, "All I wanted was you, my dad. I wanted a dad that loved me. I just wanted you to be the one person who did. Why was it so hard to love me, daddy?" I cry, he looks up to avoid tears falling. "I hate you and I hope they never let you out." I say before I open the door and leave.

"Sadie." Lip follows me out of the building, "Sade." He repeats then grabs me, pulling me into an embrace as I begin to sob. "Why didn't he love me, Lip? Why can no one love me?" I cry into his chest. His grip gets tighter, "I love you, I do." He whispers. I can't argue. "Can I just go home, please?" I sniffle and he nods, "I'll come with you." "You have work." I say, looking at him, "You're more important." He grabs my face gently, wiping my tears, "I know you said we won't ever be together again but Sadie, I love you too much to let you be alone right now. I love you." He says, gently shaking me and I nod, "Can we just go?" I ask softly and he nods, wrapping his arm around me and walking us home.

++

"Why does it smell like burning flesh in here?" I ask, my tears quickly drying. "Debbie! Liam! Frank!" I exclaim as I see Frank holding a hot butter knife to Debbie's purple foot foot. "They were passed out when I came in and these toes were neurotic." Frank says with a cigarette between his lips. "Oh god this is like the dead body all over again." I shudder as Frank shows a plate with three of her toes on it. "Why are we always cutting toes and digging up bodies?" I ramble anxiously as I pick up Liam from the ground, "Liam, babe. Gotta get up." I wake him, "Are her toes off?" He asks and I nod, holding him close to me, "It's okay." Lip holds us, as he senses my anxiety attack. "Are you okay?" I ask Liam, trying not to hyperventilate, "No." he says, staring at Debbie passed out on the table. "Should we call someone or take her ourselves?" I ask, "She'll be fine." Frank groans as he puts the knife down and walks upstairs. "Should we wake her?" I ask Lip, nervously. "I'll call the ambulance, take Liam upstairs." Lip says, guiding Liam and I towards the stairs. "I'll be up in a minute." Lip says to me and I nod.

"Are you okay? You look sad." Liam points out as I help him get ready for bed. "Yeah, I'm okay. Just a long day." I force a soft smile, "Make sure you wear your headphones tonight, you need rest." I caress his cheek gently, "If you need anything, you know where I'll be." I announce before walking into Lip and I's room.

I sit on the edge of Lip and I's bed, staring at the wall in shock, anger, and despair. Why am I not good enough to be loved by anyone?

"Hey." Lip speaks softly as he closes the door behind him. "Hi." he sits next to me, "I'm sorry." Lip speaks and I shake my head, "You were trying to do me a favor, thank you." I look at him in his watery eyes. "Not for that." His eyes flood more, "Just for not giving you the best I could, just being selfish. I'm sorry." "I've faced that fact a long time ago. I just really hoped you'd change but I can't expect anyone to change themself for me, that's not fair." I sniffle, "Especially when my whole life I knew I was unlovable, wasn't worth saving. It's my fault, all of it." I huff. "Sadie, you are the best thing that could've happened to anyone in this house. In this world. You have a heart of gold and pure intentions. Sadie, you are loved by me, Carl, Liam, Debs, Ian, fucking Mickey for Christs Sakes. As long as I'm alive, you will never have to wonder if anyone cares about you, wonder if anyone loves you because I will always adore, love, and care for you. No matter what, you are the love of my entire life. I fucked that up, not you. But I will dedicate my every waking breath to make sure you know you're loved." Lip gets on his knees in front of me and speaks to me making direct eye contact. "Sadie, I knew from the beginning I wouldn't be able to keep you and I tried my hardest not to be with you because I knew the inevitable would happen but you're irresistible so I tried and I fucked up and failed every time. It was never you, never your fault. Your dad, I know how he feels, that disease ruins everything good in your life and Sadie, you were the best in my life." Tears fall down my cheeks as he spills his heart out, this is the most genuine I've seen him in a long time. "Lip, I'd follow you to hell and back but please stop going there." I slightly tease to lift our moods, he lets out a chuckle before pulling me into an embrace and laying down with me in his arms.

" I plan on loving you forever, no matter what. I will always love you, Sadie Gallagher." He whispers to me before we both fall asleep in each other's arms.

Why do the men in my life make things so complicated? Why can't they just be normal and not confusing and complicated and painful?