Only You - [Lip Gallagher]

repent my sins

"That gargantuan bitch is a fucking bitch." Lip scoffs as he walks into the kitchen late that night, "What?" "That Tami bitch is a fucking cunt." "Oh." I say, putting my sandwich down–I have no more appetite. "Is Xan went to school?" He asks and I nod. "Good, she wanted to skip." Lip sighs, "If I made you go to school and Carl, Ian, Liam, Debs, myself. Why wouldn't I make her go?" "She is a manipulator and can easily get her way out of school." "Wonder where she got that from." I mutter and walk upstairs.

"The fuck is that supposed to mean?" Lip asks, following me upstairs. "I shouldn't have to explain your own personality type to you and if I do, there's a lot more issues than I thought." I snark back as I sit in bed. "You know you talk a lot of shit?" He chuckles angrily, "You know you give me a lot of shit to talk about?" I respond slyly. "Sade, it was an accident. I'm never talking to that bitch again! She's a BITCH." He speaks to me like I'm a child, "You put your dick into her, that wasn't an accident." I answer in the same tone. "Well, she's a cunt and I'll never see or talk to her again. Happy?" "Happy?" I chuckle in a shocked manner, "I would be happy if you weren't such a slut!" I argue. "I'm sorry I'm a fucked up Gallagher!" "Can't keep blaming it on the Gallagher thing, Lip." I scoff, "I fucking love you and I'm fucking sorry I've done a shitty job at that." He begins, "Goodnight, Lip." I say and cover my whole body with the blanket; I can't have this discussion.

Thankfully he doesn't force it. His muscular body lays against my side, God how I crave him. I need him but I can't give in. I love him so much, but I can't give in. We aren't together, we won't be together, we can't be together.

++

"Hi Franny." I coo at her as she sits in the infamous Gallagher playpen that I'm sure every Gallagher has laid in. "Hi." She smiles wide just as Lip leans down to give her apple slices. "Morning." He says quickly to me, "Hi." I say quietly, walking past him into the kitchen to see Carl, "My baby is home." I say, rushing over to give him a hug and kiss on the temple. "Where's your shadow?" I ask and he tightens up, "Uh, we broke up." He lies, "Finally." Lip chuckles and I look at Carl with my motherly expression, "We'll talk later." I mouth to him and he looks down at his plate of eggs and begins to shovel his breakfast into his mouth. "What's with the G.I. Joe outfit still?" Lip then asks, "Yeah, aren't you supposed to be 'at rest'?" Liam asks as I pour him and Xan cereal. "At ease," Carl corrects, "And there is no ease for a soldier who's West Point bound." He announces and I gasp happily, "Congratulations!" I exclaim and he waves it off, "Not yet, let's not get ahead of ourselves, just in case." He points out and I nod, "You're right, this is a Gallagher home. We never know what the fuck is gonna happen." I chuckle. "Eighty cents!" Debbie wobbles down the stairs angrily, "That's how much women make on the dollar compared to a man." She complains, "Wait until you find out that's just for white women, black and hispanic women get paid much less per dollar." I inform and she throws down her papers on the counter, "This is bullshit! How is no one else upset about this?" She exclaims, "As much as I wish I could make a change, I can't. I'm a woman in South Side Chicago. We're all fucked here." I explain, "Don't you have legal allies and ties? Can't they help?" "I'm forced to work from home because I wouldn't fuck my boss so, no." I finally come clean about, "You didn't tell me this?" Lip grows concerned. "It didn't matter. Not a big deal, I still can work for the company just not in person. I don't mind." I snicker. I ended up coming to a common ground with Eric, I don't snitch on him for sexual harassment in the work place if he still let's me do my job. He said he can have me working from home with the same hourly rate and all my benefits. Seemed like a good offer so I took it; I can help around the house still but still do a job I love. "This is a sexist shit nugget of a country and don't you forget that!" Debbie groans.

"Debbie! Glad you're not working. I need you to watch the girls for me. I gotta take V to a nursery school to see if it's a good fit for the girls and they can't come." Kev walks in and rambles, "Why are you talking to me, Kevin Ball?" She asks and he grows a confused look on his face, "Um, Sade-" "Why are you asking her? The only two women in the room." Debbie is offended. "Why is childcare a woman's job?" She asks then begins to ramble on about unpaid labor man vs. woman. "What the fuck?" Lip mouths to me and I shrug. "So you can't do it?" Kev asks and she scoffs, "Come on Franny let's oppose patriarchal oppression!" Debbie chants as she grabs Franny and leaves the house. "Sade?" "Can I do it?" Xan offers, "I don't have school today." She smiles, "Sure! Here's their diaper bag." Kev begins, then looks at her slightly more confused than his normal expression, "Who are you again?" "This is Xan, she's been staying here for a little while. Lip has been taking good care of her." I smile softly, I'm angry with him but I won't deny his amazing childcare. "Cool, see ya in an hour." Kev says then quickly leaves. "Their names are Amy and Jemma. I'll be upstairs working if you need anything, don't hesitate to run up there, okay?" I advise her and she nods. "Carl, you me talk later." I wave my finger in his face. "You me talk later too." Lip says, kissing my temple "Ick." I say under my breath wiping his kiss off my face.

++

"Can I take them to the park?" Xan asks softly, "Sure, just for a little bit and come right back. Call me or Lip if anything happens." I inform and she nods, "Got it." She says and skips away.

After about thirty minutes I hear knocking on the door. I groan as I am just about to finish my work for the day, "Coming!" I call as I hurry downstairs to open the backdoor. "Hel- Jemma and Amy? Where's Xan?" I ask the woman who escorted them here. "She tried stealing from my wallet and when I caught her she ran with my wallet and left the girls at the park. Luckily they showed me where 'sissy' lives, I'm assuming that's you?" She's angry, "I'm their sister yeah, Sadie. Um, let me call her guardian and we can figure this out. I'm so sorry." I huff as I press Lip's contact. "Girls, I think mom and dad are home go next door." I inform them as I hear the car doors close.

"Hey, everything okay?" "No, Xan tried stealing from someone at the park and ran off when she got caught. The woman is here now with the girls. Can you come home and talk to her?" "Shit, yeah. I'm coming." Lip sounds worried as he hands up the phone. I hated interrupting him during his meetings, he's been doing so well with going to them consistently.

++

"She's outback, she's pissed." I say to Lip as soon as he walks in, Liam following close behind. "Liam, why aren't you in school? Half day?" "No, they expelled me." He sighs, "Why?" "Frank." "What the hell did he do now?" "All the moms and gave them venereal diseases." He explains with a sad tone, "Jesus Christ." I mutter, "I'll call Briar if you want, see if we can get you in." I comfort and he nods. "Meanwhile I'm gonna go talk to your other school." "No, please don't. I don't want to go back there. They hate me and have already filled my spot with 'another misfortuned black kid' they said." Liam frowns and I sigh, "I'm sorry Frank is such an asshole." I scratch the top of his head lightly. "It's okay." He sighs and sits on the couch.

"Can you help me look for Xan?" Lip asks and I look at Liam who is moping on the couch, "I'm okay." He says and I sigh, "Fine." I agree and follow him out back to look for her.

++

We finally find her sitting on the bench outside of a sketchy post office, once she spots us she takes off running and we sprint to catch her. I'm winded by the time Lip grabs her and corners her so he can talk to her. I stand back just in case she tries to out run him again. "Go away! I don't want to go back to DCFS!" She shouts after thrusting her head back and hitting Lip in the face, "We didn't call DCFS on you dumbass! We're on your side!" Lip yells at her. "Xan, you can't leave the girls in the park." "She was gonna call the cops on me." She argues, "You shouldn't be stealing! I would've given you the money!" Lip exclaims, "What'd you need it for anyway?" I ask, "My mom." She admits. "She's around?" Lip asks, "No but she has a P.O. Box that I try to leave money in from time to time. It's where she gets her SNAP benefits." Xan explains as she still stands defensive against the gate behind her. "My mom used to disappear and ask for money-" "She didn't ask. I just want to." Xan defends herself to Lip as he kneels in front of her to try and ease her stance. "I'll put some money in your mom's P.O. Box, okay?" Lip reasons, "But you cannot do this again, you understand?" Lip fathers and she nods, "Fine." She gives in and he stands up, "Let's go." He says, wrapping his arm around her shoulder and reaching for my hand. I give in, I hold his back. I didn't want to but I didn't not want to–I knew he needed it more than I didn't want it.

"Where's that lady's wallet?" I ask Xan, "In a dumpster on Ellis." "Guess we're going dumpster diving." Lip huffs and turns directions to walk towards Ellis instead of the house.

++

Once I finally get home after Lip went off to a late night meeting and Xan went home before us, I see Ian sitting in the kitchen. I gasp and run over, "Ian." I basically tackle him as he is sitting down, "Fuck, Sadie." He breathes into my neck as he holds me tightly, "Who posted your bail? Are you okay?" "Geneva, the long haired ginger." He informs and I nod, "Are you okay?" I ask again, sitting in his lap and he shakes his head. "I need Mickey." He breathes out; shit, I do too.