Only You - [Lip Gallagher]

helpless animosity

I take a sharp deep breath as I see Lip dragging Fred in his stroller, I open my mouth to help him but I decide it's best I stay out of it. I quickly sneak by him, his eyes are begging for my help but I can't give in.

Later that afternoon as I'm trying to distract myself from Lip's helplessness by reading and packing up some of my belongings, I hear light sobs coming from the bathroom. I throw my head back and drag both palms down my face, "Why?" I mutter to myself as I walk towards the bathroom. I walk in to see Lip on the floor, clutching Fred. "Let me see him. Go take a nap or something. I got it." I say, grabbing Fred from him gently, "You sure?" He asks and I nod, "Go." I say and he gets up, wrapping a towel around his waist and starts towards his room. "What's with the boxes?" He asks "I figured I should move out. You need room for the baby." I say as I rock Fred back and forth, "Sade I fucking told you you're not moving. You can't live alone, it's not safe. I told you I'd move before I ever let you do that." He gets upset. "We'll talk about this later. Where are his diapers?" "I don't have any." I huff and walk downstairs with Fred. I guess I'll go get him some. Just because Fred's parents kinda fucked me over, I won't take it out on him, he deserves none of my animosity even though I really hated him. God I hated saying I hated an innocent baby but I fucking hate him. 

++

"Sorry I slept so long-" I hear Lip's voice as he comes into my room, waking me up out of my light sleep as Fred lays by my side, sound asleep. "Sorry, I fell asleep." I say, cutting him off slightly, sitting up before sliding my hands under him gently to pick him up. "How did you get him to do that?" Lip asks, carefully taking him back before I rub in between my eyebrows down to my nose with my index finger, "He really likes that. Kinda soothe him, you know how you only could fall asleep with my rubbing the back of your head; kinda the same thing. He is your son. He's gonna have some of your quirks and personality but it's trial and error, glad I could help you a little today." I ramble on. He looks like he could cry, swallowing hard before speaking again, "Thanks." He breaths out and scans my room with his eyes again, "You can't move." He says, "Not the time, he's asleep." I say and he sighs, nodding before he awkwardly leaves my room. I strangle the air as he closes my door, oh how badly I wanted to do that to Lip. I was so angry with him I could kill him with my bare hands. I could so get away with it too, it's so tempting.

++

"It would be nice to buy diapers instead of using your sanitary pads because you have control of our money." Lip argues with Debbie. "Oh fuck you guys! I don't need this shit. Fiona left me the money, don't like it, leave." Debbie says before storming upstairs. "Jesus Christ." I mutter as she almost tramples me to get by as I descend the stairs. "She should've left you the money. Besides, you're the only one that's used to money." Frank says, "What does that mean?" I ask, "You're rich, Sadie. Always have been always will be." My throat feels like it is swelling. I hate talking about 'rich' because it reminds me of my dad; my dad who was rich, who lost all his money, who ruined me. "Frank, shut the fuck up." Lip raises his tone, "Tell me I'm wrong!" Frank argues, "Frank, shut the fuck up." Carl repeats. "Whatever." Frank waves all three of us off before leaving the house. "You okay?" Lip asks as he rocks Fred the same way I did earlier. I nod, "Yeah, thanks. I'm gonna go to bed. Goodnight and good luck with him." I say to both Lip and Carl.

"Sade." I hear Lip's voice follow me upstairs, "Can we talk now? Now that Fred is with someone else." "What is there to talk about?" I look up at him, making eye contact for the first time in awhile–I got sparks all over my body, "Sadie you can't move. I can't let you do that because of me. Tami and I will move when she gets out and heals, okay? Please, you have to stay here." He pleads, grabbing my wrists gently. "Why? Why can't I move out? I'm not a Gallagher." "Sadie, this is your house as much as it is any of ours. You grew up here too. Don't leave your home because of me. I don't want you to live alone because I know how you get at night. Everytime we slept next to each other I knew when you were scared of any little noise you somehow heard in your sleep, any bad dreams you had I felt you tremble in your sleep. I don't want you alone and I know I can't comfort you anymore but I want you to at least live with people so you know you're safe." He speaks soft and genuine. "I gotta get over my fears eventually or else they'll all come crashing down on me and leave me helpless and full of animosity. I don't want to be full of hate. You gotta let me go so you can raise your family." I speak, "You're staying, I'm going. End of story." He says sternly before walking back downstairs.

I'm NOT staying, right? I can't. I have to go.