The Styles Mansion [h.s]

sixty-eight

EMPTINESS

AND pain.

That's all I could bear now and feel through the walls of my heart. My eyes were ascertained at distance, skimming the horizon that ran far and far, wondering where the end line stays. The side of my heart that seems vacant that was getting filled with something gradually. I couldn't pin point that but I could sense that. I sighed deeply as my eyes swelled with uncontrollable tears while staring at the green horizon.

My eyes were watching the evergreen appearance of nature which consists of thousands of fresh colours but inside me, all my heart could victim was darkness, desperately looking for a glimpse of light and hou of colour. My chin commenced shaking due to the effect of my brimming sentiments. Blurring my vision tears fluxed down to my cheeks as my chest burned in pain and anxiousness.

The city of memories in my head began playing the scenes of mine and my husband, choking my breath. I didn't make any sounds. I don't want Emmy to hear me then look at me with her pity filled eyes. I gulped down through my glacial throat, inhaling and exhaling slowly to placate the rate of my heartbeat.

My mind wasn't working coherently, I was free but still Harry's memory was provoking me. I wiped my face and reached the small staircase of Emmy's apartment. Soon the sweet and soft murmuring of Seth and Emmy's voice hit my eardrums halting me on my track.

"You are such a beautiful." Seth whispered more like in a dramatic way making Emmy giggle like a kid.

Her dulcet tones of laughing carelessly filled the air following the sound Seth kissing her.

"I love you." Emmy said with a soft tone.

"I love you too." Seth answered back as the atmosphere fell silent.

My breath choked, shivering me down to my spine. Tears trimmed in my eyes getting ready to free themselves from me. I couldn't stand there, listening to a lovely couple's confabulation. I couldn't stand their beautiful connection. A knot twisted in my stomach, tightening my chest and my head spine abruptly making everything dark around me.

I slowly and silently walked back towards the room where a few moments ago I was having a breakdown. It wasn't something like The Styles Mansion. It was a small guest room of Emmy's apartment which might have been ignored for a long time.

As I was walking black and white dots started dancing in my vision, rising the temperature of my body. Thin lines of sweat occupied my forehead making me wipe that with my hand as the burning sensation spread through my entire body.

I sat on the bed breathing heavily and crying.

Why can't Harry and Harry be like them?

Why can he not love me?

Am I just a need not a desire?

A weird motion reeled inside my stomach made me urge to hurl, I haven't wasted any time as I ran towards the small attached bathroom in the room.

I threw up everything that I ate this morning with Seth and Emmy. The bitter test lingers on my tongue making me hurl more and more. My chest was hurting, everything smelled bad around me. Thinking about something was making me sick while bounding me to hang my face while throwing up.

I was breathless by the time. I leaned backward and stayed glued with the while coloured wall, breathing slowly. My eyes were weak, my lids felt heavy as if someone had put some mountain on them. I tried to keep them open but I couldn't. My pulses were thumbing erratically and I could practically hear my own heart beats.

Vague vision commenced casing my lenses, making it hard for me to see properly, everything was spinning. I cast my eyes at the opened door of the bathroom, licking my lip wishing someone would walk through the door and then when I heard footsteps.